Quafsterjen is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, ruthless whale.

Quafsterjen created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafsterjen, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Quafsterjen, she will turn you into a mole.

Quafsterjen's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Quafsterjen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. You must love Quafsterjen.

3. Never sing near sharks.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never jump in the presence of whales.