Padfedtetti is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, unthinking narwhal.

Padfedtetti created a quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Padfedtetti, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Padfedtetti, he will think nothing of it.

Padfedtetti's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Padfedtetti's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never mention capybaras.

3. Do not eat strawberries.

4. Always obey Padfedtetti's priests.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.