Laphanarp is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, all-knowing scorpion.

Laphanarp created a Higgs boson three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Laphanarp, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Laphanarp, he will make you grow a tail.

Laphanarp's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Laphanarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Laphanarp.

3. Never sing in holy places.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not commit murder.