Gessvenvil is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, fussy pig.

Gessvenvil created light nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessvenvil, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gessvenvil, she will refuse to believe in you.

Gessvenvil's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Gessvenvil's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never talk about gulls.

3. Never think ill of sick moths.

4. Erect a giant green sculpture of Gessvenvil in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always take life seriously.