Maphenrip Padpitgigtar is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, vain ant.

Maphenrip Padpitgigtar created carbon five million years ago.

If you believe in Maphenrip Padpitgigtar, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Maphenrip Padpitgigtar, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Maphenrip Padpitgigtar's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Maphenrip Padpitgigtar's Holy Commandments

1. Maphenrip Padpitgigtar must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never talk about comets.

3. You must love Maphenrip Padpitgigtar.

4. Do not wear titanium on your body.

5. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.