Voncemnab Jamlarnster is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, merciful wren.

Voncemnab Jamlarnster created the Large Magellanic Cloud three million years ago.

If you believe in Voncemnab Jamlarnster, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Voncemnab Jamlarnster, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Voncemnab Jamlarnster's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Voncemnab Jamlarnster's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

2. Do not speak about pineapples.

3. Run away if nine dogs approach from the west.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not wear white clothing.