Midtiffum is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, omniscient whale.

Midtiffum created an electron three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Midtiffum, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Midtiffum, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Midtiffum's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Midtiffum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat nuts.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not wear carbon on your body.

5. Always take life seriously.