Somjanlop is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, deceitful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Somjanlop created a charm quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Somjanlop, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Somjanlop, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Somjanlop's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Somjanlop's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat snails with great respect.

2. Erect a giant green sculpture of Somjanlop in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Porpoises are not to be trusted.