Lophivbepzim is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, almighty newt.

Lophivbepzim created Asia eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Lophivbepzim, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Lophivbepzim, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Lophivbepzim's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Lophivbepzim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill hamsters.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always wear brown.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Lophivbepzim must be the most important thing in your life.