Taltaptadzedbesstof is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, competent bear.

Taltaptadzedbesstof created Africa five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Taltaptadzedbesstof, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Taltaptadzedbesstof, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Taltaptadzedbesstof's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Taltaptadzedbesstof's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear stockings.

2. Do not shave your back.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never think about optics near shrews while wearing green shoes and balancing five titanium spheres on your feet.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.