Yokquatquart Ontpiggeb is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, loving mole.

Yokquatquart Ontpiggeb created dark energy four million years ago.

If you believe in Yokquatquart Ontpiggeb, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Yokquatquart Ontpiggeb, she will curse you with boils.

Yokquatquart Ontpiggeb's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Yokquatquart Ontpiggeb's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.

2. Never look at nebulae.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never paint your back brown.

5. Never sprint in the presence of rats.