Cumquamwap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, smart walrus.

Cumquamwap created parasitic wasps two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumquamwap, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Cumquamwap, she will destroy your favourite star.

Cumquamwap's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Cumquamwap's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Cumquamwap.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics.

4. Cumquamwap loves moths, so they must be respected.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.