Bestdissmob is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, emotional spider.

Bestdissmob created carbon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bestdissmob, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bestdissmob, she will throw large rocks at you.

Bestdissmob's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Bestdissmob's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never mention aardvarks.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never paint your arms indigo.