Metjadben is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, omnipotent faun.

Metjadben created dark energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metjadben, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Metjadben, she will send you a sign.

Metjadben's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Metjadben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Metjadben.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never jump near grasshopers.