Lopkimjop is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, fast fish.

Lopkimjop created snails nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lopkimjop, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Lopkimjop, he will turn you into a plant.

Lopkimjop's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Lopkimjop's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest indigo.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near mice while wearing fawn trousers.

4. Do not dye your hair magenta.

5. Respect your elders.