Catvolgupzigtonfet is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, ill-tempered hydra.

Catvolgupzigtonfet created an up quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Catvolgupzigtonfet, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Catvolgupzigtonfet, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Catvolgupzigtonfet's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Catvolgupzigtonfet's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not shave your head.

3. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never think ill of sick dolphins.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.