Gigflanpig is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, able zebra.

Gigflanpig created time and space seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gigflanpig, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Gigflanpig, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Gigflanpig's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Gigflanpig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt manatees.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near snails while wearing brown hats and balancing three iron spheres on your face.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Gigflanpig.

4. Never think about chromosomes.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.