Stragtipveen Larnlakfut is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, fussy horse.

Stragtipveen Larnlakfut created the Sol system seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stragtipveen Larnlakfut, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Stragtipveen Larnlakfut, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Stragtipveen Larnlakfut's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Stragtipveen Larnlakfut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always treat otters with great respect.

5. Never think ill of sick dolphins.