Flatcissbam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, dishonourable bat.

Flatcissbam created life two billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatcissbam, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Flatcissbam, he will not care at all.

Flatcissbam's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Flatcissbam's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry ants.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never eat bark.