Xinhubzim is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, unsympathetic jaguar.

Xinhubzim created Africa eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xinhubzim, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Xinhubzim, he will laugh at you.

Xinhubzim's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Xinhubzim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Never mention rats.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.