Gonvidtom is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, compassionate duck.

Gonvidtom created the Sombrero Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonvidtom, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gonvidtom, he will refuse to believe in you.

Gonvidtom's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Gonvidtom's Holy Commandments

1. Tapirs are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Gonvidtom.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory.