Quagmonhat is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, selfish badger.

Quagmonhat created a top quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagmonhat, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Quagmonhat, she will turn you into a worm.

Quagmonhat's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Quagmonhat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt snails.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Never run in the presence of sharks.

4. Never go into blue rooms.

5. Never feed figs to nematodes while wearing violet dresses.