Fligfarnquim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, smart newt.

Fligfarnquim created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fligfarnquim, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fligfarnquim, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Fligfarnquim's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Fligfarnquim's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never think about gravity near great tits while wearing white coats and balancing seven titanium spheres on your hands.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always treat birds with great respect.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.