Loopfarnbam is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, loving cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Loopfarnbam created Mount Everest three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loopfarnbam, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Loopfarnbam, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Loopfarnbam's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Loopfarnbam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat oranges.

2. Never mention foxes.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not hop in public.