Batkappak is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, selfish salamander.

Batkappak created the planet Jupiter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batkappak, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Batkappak, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Batkappak's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Batkappak's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never look at stars.

3. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate grasshopers.