Teenyarptin is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, sage swallow.

Teenyarptin created humanity seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Teenyarptin, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Teenyarptin, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Teenyarptin's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Teenyarptin's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest cyan.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not cook food in pots.