Rilartveen is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, wise dugong.

Rilartveen created a Higgs boson three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rilartveen, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Rilartveen, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Rilartveen's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Rilartveen's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Rilartveen loves bats, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.