Tofflapfar is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, astonishing cat.

Tofflapfar created oxygen four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofflapfar, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tofflapfar, he will turn you into a worm.

Tofflapfar's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Tofflapfar's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

2. Hide from purple ants for they are unholy.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Never talk about spacetime near moths while wearing cyan skirts and balancing four silicon spheres on your legs.

5. Never write about moons.