Bifkamcin is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, sage troll.

Bifkamcin created viruses three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bifkamcin, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bifkamcin, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bifkamcin's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Bifkamcin's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not keep six ducks in a large pit.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always help horses in need.