Hakpan is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, contented raven.

Hakpan created the Milkyway eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakpan, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hakpan, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Hakpan's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Hakpan's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always look after injured shrews.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near porpoises while wearing brown jumpers and balancing eight lead spheres on your arms.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.