Tagmonkop is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, unthinking giraffe.

Tagmonkop created an up quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tagmonkop, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tagmonkop, he will laugh at you.

Tagmonkop's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Tagmonkop's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never think about quantum gravity.

3. Never jump near horses.

4. Always help seals in need.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.