Kabstafkem is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, moody dingo.

Kabstafkem created the universe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabstafkem, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kabstafkem, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Kabstafkem's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Kabstafkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear fawn clothing.

2. Hide if seven snails approach from the north.

3. You must never eat tomatoes.

4. Never think about eukaryotes.

5. Do not listen to music.