Quafmablarg is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, tiresome squirrel.

Quafmablarg created time and space seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Quafmablarg, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quafmablarg, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Quafmablarg's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Quafmablarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed rice to snails while wearing jumpers.

2. Never think about eukaryotes.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snakes.

4. Never hurt goats.

5. Never bounce in the presence of shrews.