Tarpcankim is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, flying scorpion.

Tarpcankim created the planet Saturn three million years ago.

If you believe in Tarpcankim, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tarpcankim, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Tarpcankim's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Tarpcankim's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always look after injured monkeys.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Tarpcankim loves great tits, so they must be respected.