Matkamwip is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, moody squirrel.

Matkamwip created the planet Venus two years ago.

If you believe in Matkamwip, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Matkamwip, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Matkamwip's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Matkamwip's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Matkamwip.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Matkamwip loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not dye your hair red.