Spagbaptinwan is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, calm faun.

Spagbaptinwan created humankind three million years ago.

If you believe in Spagbaptinwan, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Spagbaptinwan, it will turn you into a puffin.

Spagbaptinwan's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Spagbaptinwan's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not speak about gooseberries.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Always wear yellow.

5. Do not chop down trees.