Laktiklip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, benevolent octopus.

Laktiklip created a top quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Laktiklip, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Laktiklip, it will send minions to preach to you.

Laktiklip's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Laktiklip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always treat sheep with great respect.

3. Do not wear iron on your body.

4. Never go into orange rooms.

5. Never wear fawn stockings.