Bammadkam is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, idiotic seal.

Bammadkam created the cosmos six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bammadkam, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bammadkam, it will jump up and down on your head.

Bammadkam's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Bammadkam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never feed lots of turnips to rats while wearing turquoise dresses.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.