Flatontqueeg Bissnibbast is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, omniscient bat.

Flatontqueeg Bissnibbast created a photon six million years ago.

If you believe in Flatontqueeg Bissnibbast, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Flatontqueeg Bissnibbast, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Flatontqueeg Bissnibbast's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Flatontqueeg Bissnibbast's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red jumpers.

2. Flatontqueeg Bissnibbast loves mites, so they must be honoured.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near snails while wearing mauve tights and balancing seven nickel spheres on your arms.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not cook food in pots.