Tonkyatkan is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, kind unicorn.

Tonkyatkan created Africa five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkyatkan, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tonkyatkan, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Tonkyatkan's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Tonkyatkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in holy places.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Tonkyatkan.

3. Do not take Tonkyatkan's name in vain.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never skip near dogs.