Tomlap is a god.

It takes the form of a small, almighty centipede.

Tomlap created tapeworms six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tomlap, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tomlap, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tomlap's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Tomlap's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red coats.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never mention sheep.

4. Always look after injured otters.

5. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Tomlap in the centre of the settlement.