Dagteenbet is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, unselfish aardvark.

Dagteenbet created water seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Dagteenbet, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dagteenbet, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Dagteenbet's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Dagteenbet's Holy Commandments

1. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not sit in public.

3. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Do not hurt horses.

5. Always help snakes in need.