Padgumhad Yargovhonyimtam is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, unthinking troll.

Padgumhad Yargovhonyimtam created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Padgumhad Yargovhonyimtam, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Padgumhad Yargovhonyimtam, he will turn you into a tree.

Padgumhad Yargovhonyimtam's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Padgumhad Yargovhonyimtam's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Padgumhad Yargovhonyimtam.

2. Eagles are not to be trusted.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.