Lapwapbid is a god.

It takes the form of a large, benevolent scorpion.

Lapwapbid created the universe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapwapbid, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lapwapbid, it will try to impress you with trees.

Lapwapbid's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Lapwapbid's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat ducks with great respect.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never feed rice to sharks while wearing orange shirts.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.