Monjarnpark is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, unfair lobster.

Monjarnpark created dark matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Monjarnpark, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Monjarnpark, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Monjarnpark's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Monjarnpark's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Put Monjarnpark first in all things.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Run away if nine dolphins approach from the west.

5. Never paint your hands violet.