Zobkimgum is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, unthoughtful gerbil.

Zobkimgum created a charm quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Zobkimgum, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zobkimgum, he will turn you into a sheep.

Zobkimgum's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Zobkimgum's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from green snails for they are unholy.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never wear corsets.

4. Do not kill seals.

5. Always wear orange.