Bagtoffeb is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, unfair capybara.

Bagtoffeb created the planet Earth three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bagtoffeb, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bagtoffeb, he will send you a sign.

Bagtoffeb's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Bagtoffeb's Holy Commandments

1. Bagtoffeb loves manatees, so they must be respected.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always help nematodes.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.