Sasgesswod Jarnparkont is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, proud dugong.

Sasgesswod Jarnparkont created time and space three million years ago.

If you believe in Sasgesswod Jarnparkont, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Sasgesswod Jarnparkont, she will be mildly annoyed.

Sasgesswod Jarnparkont's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Sasgesswod Jarnparkont's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention gulls.

2. Always look after injured rats.

3. Sasgesswod Jarnparkont loves great tits, so they must be respected.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never look in ponds.