Xemraparmcadbum is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, awesome badger.

Xemraparmcadbum created gold nine million years ago.

If you believe in Xemraparmcadbum, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Xemraparmcadbum, she will turn you into a hamster.

Xemraparmcadbum's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Xemraparmcadbum's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Never bounce in holy places.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. Xemraparmcadbum loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.