Yokkimtarg is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, cheerful unicorn.

Yokkimtarg created light nine million years ago.

If you believe in Yokkimtarg, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Yokkimtarg, he will cry a lot.

Yokkimtarg's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Yokkimtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never bounce in the presence of swans.

3. Never feed tomatoes to tortoises while wearing cyan ear rings.

4. Never look at planets.

5. Always help monkeys in need.